


Hard Decisions aren't Easy

by cero_ate



Category: Captain America (Comics), Marvel, Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: Abortion, F/M, past dubious consent abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-17
Updated: 2012-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-07 22:15:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/436028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cero_ate/pseuds/cero_ate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes timing isn't right. And sometimes the only choice is the one you have to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hard Decisions aren't Easy

“It’s done,” Natasha told James before heading into her room. She knew James had wanted to be a part of it all the way through it but…this was her ultimate decision. She knew he supported it, but it was a road she had to walk on her own. It wasn’t either of their faults; it was just…a host of bad luck all together.

It had been weeks since her last period, and she finally admitted to herself and James that she was pregnant. She didn’t have to even take a test, but she did anyway. Her period before, except once, came like clockwork every twenty eight days

This was very unexpected. They were so close to getting that last assassin. James was still considered dead. She couldn’t afford this pregnancy. Neither of them had the ability to be parents. Or well, she didn’t have the inclination, anyway. This shouldn’t have happened; she was on the pill. 

When she told James his response was surprising to her.

“Are you going to keep it?” James asked while cleaning his gun. They were safely ensconced in a safe house for a few days, so James was overhauling their ammunition supply and cleaning everything that could be cleaned. Not that he left her to do the laundry, while he cleaned the guns or anything. They both cleaned their own laundry and their own guns.

She didn’t know why the question shocked her, but it did. Maybe because even with her experiences with him, once he’d become James and not just Winter Soldier, she lumped him in with Steve, and the thirties and forties with less experience in the modern world.

“I thought about it…” She’d thought about it last time too but…the lives they led didn’t lead to the ability to care for a child, let alone the nine months they’d have to sit out, leading to untold numbers of deaths. “Surprised you asked that question.”

“But…” James said, not pressuring her either way. “And why?”

She appreciated that, and appreciated that he was even there. Last time hadn’t even been this optimal. Her handlers hadn’t cared. They’d just…made her appointment and told her to not miss it. Even her handler would care this time. Fury actually gave a shit, whatever anyone else thought about him. 

“Wasn’t abortion illegal the last you remember?” Natasha asked, avoiding the other question for the moment.

“Ever heard of a back alley abortion? They happened. Especially if one of the girls at the base got herself knocked up by a feckless fellow.“ He paused a moment. “Tasha, do you want the baby?”

She paused, and shook her head. “No. Our lives…what we’re doing here is important, it saves lives. And well, I’d be a terrible mother. You’d be a great father but…”

“We could take nine months off, Fury could assign another team,” James listed their options. “I could come back from the dead.”

“No, we’re not taking that chance.” Natasha felt her resolve hardening. This was her choice to make.

James nodded. “Do you want me to come?” 

She thought about it for a long minute. It was his baby too. “Do you want me to have it?”

“No,” James admitted lowly. “I know Steve would be over the moon, but…you’re right. This is too important. Besides, any kid I have, I want to come into a stable environment. Not grow up shiftless, moving from base to base, place to place, like I did.”

“Okay.” 

Natasha couldn’t fault his logic. It was the same as hers. Neither of them were stable enough for kids right now. It still sucked. But someday maybe she’d have a planned kid. And she’d be able to love that kid, and it wouldn’t be an accident. That just wasn’t what was in the cards right now. She couldn’t take care of herself enough to deal with an unexpected pregnancy right now. “No, I’m going to go myself. I made the appointment already.” She was nervous about the procedure but…this was her choice. Their choice. They were partners.

But partners didn’t mean they did everything together, and she had the procedure on her own. She declined his offer to join her and wait in the waiting room too. She had to do this. And what if he got caught, something happened at the office? He was still supposed to be dead, and she just knew if one of the crazies tried something at the clinic, he’d intercede and there goes their anonymity.

That didn’t mean she objected, when he came into her room after an hour, with a hot water bottle and ibuprofen. Or that she kicked him out when he laid down next to her, burying his face against her hair, holding her. She thought she’d feel regret. There was some, but more than anything so far she just felt relieved. Relieved he was there, that they’d made the decision together this time. That this was over with. Maybe…someday they’d be able to plan this. Plan a pregnancy together, and watch her body change, grow with their child. But this wasn’t that time and they had to do what was best for everyone involved.

She curled against him after she’d taken the medicine, and drifted to sleep, as he held her against him, holding each other in the lonely darkness.


End file.
